94 Years of Wisdom

Last week, I flew to Massachusetts to sojourn my 94-year grandma successful nan hospital.

Let maine show you astir this astonishing woman.

Barbara, Auntie B, aliases Gramma to america grandkids, was calved successful 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.

(No wonderment I emotion nan euphony of ​Alan Doyle​ (and ​Great Big Sea​), it’s successful my DNA!)

Gramma was a preschool coach for 22 years and has been an progressive personnel successful her organization for her full life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped motorboat aggregate quilting initiatives complete nan years. She volunteered astatine nan Council connected Aging. She often drove for Meals connected Wheels too, “delivering meals to nan aged people” (as she called it), which she did good into her 80s!

During past visits to Massachusetts, I would plaything by Gramma’s for an afternoon, habitually checking my phone, often distracted pinch immoderate unimportant activity thought that occupied my brain. I deliberation having known her my full life, I conscionable had this thought “Gramma has ever been here, and Gramma will ever beryllium here.”

Fortunately, I stumbled upon an ancient Japanese conception that helped maine admit and people correct this pattern. It allowed each of my caller visits pinch Gramma to beryllium decidedly different.

Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会

There’s a conception making love backmost to Japanese beverage ceremonies successful nan 1600s called ichi-go ichi-e:

This translates to: “one time, 1 meeting.”

It’s a reminder for america to wealth and clasp each unrepeatable infinitesimal successful time. No matter really often we do thing aliases spot somebody, it is nan only time that it will genuinely hap this way, in this moment.

This conception tin punctual america to beryllium much present.

• Instead of checking our phones, we tin attraction connected nan personification aliases task successful beforehand of us.
• Instead of worrying astir tomorrow aliases zoning out, we tin beryllium present now.
• Instead of going done nan motions, we tin beryllium a spot much deliberate pinch our behavior.

I’ve reflected a batch connected Japanese Zen accuracy complete nan past fewer years (​see my effort astir Wabi-Sabi​), and this conception of ichi-go ichi-e has stuck pinch maine too.

Which brings maine to my trips to sojourn Gramma this summer.

I stopped worrying astir nan early aliases ruminating connected nan past, put my telephone down, and conscionable sat pinch her.

I treated each sojourn arsenic if it was nan only clip that I would get to person that interaction.

I asked her questions astir her childhood. I learned that she spent a fewer summers surviving successful a shelter pinch nary moving h2o aliases electricity, while her begetter built their location pinch his ain 2 hands. And really overmuch she loved it.

She told maine astir her teenage years, including nan clip she snuck retired of nan location and sewage caught, and had to beryllium astatine nan ft of her parents furniture until nan sun came up.

I learned much astir my grandfather. She moreover shared photos of her wedding that I had ne'er seen before:

She besides recovered immoderate photos of maine and her from measurement backmost successful nan day!

This 1 was my favorite:

I returned to Nashville past month, unsure erstwhile (or if) I’d get to spot her again.

It still felt different. I had connected pinch Gramma much profoundly successful a fewer visits than I astir apt had successful nan past 10 years combined.

Which brings maine to this past week astatine nan hospital.

Gramma’s Community

Last week, my relative and I drove up to sojourn Gramma successful nan infirmary each day.

And each day, a revolving doorway of guests would show up to cheque connected her:

Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mother (who conscionable had surgery!). Her grandkids. The boy of her champion friend. Her friend Anne. Friends from nan Council of Aging. Fellow quilters. People from her church.

At 1 point, location were 10 of america visiting astatine nan aforesaid time, and it turned into an absolute party.

I was successful awe of this female and really galore lives she has impacted.

If there’s a clear motion of a life good lived, it’s being surrounded by group who emotion you. Gramma has been selfless for truthful overmuch of her life, and I was amazed and inspired astatine really galore group dropped everything to travel and walk clip pinch her, swapping stories and keeping her company.

Despite nan circumstances, she still has a awesome consciousness of joke too:

The first clip she opened her eyes and saw me, she smiled and said, “I remembered different story!” She past told maine astir nan clip she “borrowed” a car, moreover though she didn’t person a licence yet, to thrust done nan streets of Boston to way down her boyfriend.

While talking connected nan telephone pinch her 94 twelvemonth aged relative successful law, she asked “how are ya, you aged geezer?”

When nan expert asked “are you emotion amended today?” she replied “better than WHAT!”

Spending clip pinch Gramma and each of nan group from different parts of her life felt for illustration nan champion imaginable usage of my time. I americium successful emotion pinch nan organization she has astir her, and I americium perpetually moved to tears by nan emotion that truthful galore group person for her.

This constituent was driven further location by my Gramma’s infirmary “neighbor”…

Live Deliberately

The infirmary successful which my Gramma is staying is correct adjacent to Walden Pond, nan very pond made celebrated by Henry David Thoreau successful his book ​Walden​.

One day, aft visiting Gramma, I took a quiet locomotion astir its perimeter, watching nan ray of nan mounting sun dancing done nan trees.

(The Japanese person a connection for this too, it’s called “komorebi”.)

I past publication nan motion pinch Thoreau’s astir celebrated reflection:

“I went to nan woods because I wished to unrecorded deliberately, to beforehand only nan basal facts of life, and spot if I could not study what it had to teach, and not, erstwhile I came to die, observe that I had not lived.”

Thoreau retreated to solitude to observe what was astir important to him.

Gramma went nan different direction, prioritizing what’s astir important to her: family, friends, and community.

Two different scenarios, nan aforesaid extremity result:

Choosing to unrecorded deliberately.

I don’t person plans connected moving into nan woods and surviving simply, but I do deliberation I’ve done my champion to unrecorded much deliberately these past fewer years.

Specifically, re-prioritizing what’s astir important to maine too: friends, family, and community.

All We person to Decide…

A fewer years ago, Gramma presented my brother, sister, and I pinch 3 of her favourite handmade quilts.

“I was going to person these fixed to you grandkids aft I passed away, but I want to springiness them to you now truthful that we tin bask this infinitesimal together.”

She took nan clip to explicate nan meaning down each quilt and why they were selected for each of us. I’m truthful thankful she did this, alternatively than waiting to perceive astir these beautiful quilts aft she passed.

When I visited Gramma this summer, I discovered that she had printed my essay ​about my grandfather, her husband, who had passed away​. I hoped I made Grampy proud, but I realized I ne'er sewage to show him conscionable really overmuch I learned from him earlier he died.

For that reason, I’m penning this effort now to make judge she knows conscionable really overmuch she taught me. I’m truthful proud of my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having nan opportunity to study from her for 40 years (and counting!).

(I sewage a matter from my begetter yesterday letting maine cognize that he publication this draught to her successful nan infirmary and she loved it. Mission accomplished!)

I surely dream Gramma gets amended and is capable to get backmost home. After all, she told her friend Laurie “I’m not done yet!”

But I besides cognize that this is not up to america to decide.

As Gandalf tells Frodo successful The Fellowship of nan Ring:

“All we person to determine is what to do pinch nan clip that is fixed us.”

I dream my Gramma and Thoreau tin animate you to unrecorded much deliberately:

• If you’re consenting to put your telephone down and beryllium coming pinch nan group successful beforehand of you, life tin consciousness truthful overmuch much rich.
• If you’re consenting to prioritize what’s really important alternatively of nan worldly that tries to bargain your attention, you’ll ne'er spell incorrect pinch nan choices you make.
• If you tin find a measurement to attraction connected nan important group successful your life, they’ll still beryllium a portion of it erstwhile you’re 94.

And yet remember, nary matter what you do today, this is nan only clip this moment will happen.

Act accordingly.

-Steve

PS: If you want a thought-provoking movie astir being coming and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I highly urge Wim Wenders’s ​Perfect Days​.